51 Things I Can't Wait To Do With My Boys

This list is now seven years old. I wrote it during Kathy's pregnancy when I hoped to help her come to terms with becoming the mother of three boys. I don't think it was much help to her--I guess we all have to write our own lists--but I'd like to believe that part of what I was trying to do was to inspire her to attempt the same exercise.

Father's Day seems an appropriate day to reread this list. And after only six and a half years, I'm surprised at how many of these items I could actually check off (knowing that many were tongue-in-cheek).

So here's my original list, "51 Things I Can't Wait To Do With My Boys:"

· Take them to Horseneck Beach and let them run through the dunes where I used to play
· Place them in the arms of their grandparents for the first time
· Introduce them to Isaac Asimov and "I, Robot"
· Pitch a tent in the backyard (whose backyard?) and let them sleep outside alone
· Make photo albums of all their aunts and uncles and tell them tall tales about each one
· Play Scrabble together on a rainy day
· Take turns in a soccer goal and teach them to score with either foot
· Let them milk a cow (Dad grew up in a farm town, after all)
· Show them how to calculate the height of the house by measuring its shadow
· Give them a hose, some sponges, and drink a can of Narragansett Beer while they wash the Suburban (OK, maybe a Coors and a mini-van)
· Take them to a Red Sox game and try to explain "The Curse"
· Play pig pile and hospital tag and flashlight tag (but probably not "kick-the-can")
· Take them to the library and help them pick out books to read together at bedtime
· Go shopping together for Mother's Day and pick out something really special, but undoubtedly tacky
· Read their first stories and marvel at their imaginations
· Fall asleep with them all in one big bed
· Take them sailing, put them in big orange lifejackets, and watch them try to keep their balance when the waves hit
· Eat the leftover crusts from their grilled cheese sandwiches
· Listen to their favorite music and try to understand why it's no stranger than mine
· Take them to the zoo and watch their expressions when they see their first giraffes, hippos, elephants, and monkeys
· Show them what happens when they cut a Mobius strip in half
· Torture them with a Shakespeare Festival and then peak their curiosity by telling them what it was really about
· Take them to Texas and show them what hot really feels like
· Tell them ghost stories until their eyes are as big as saucers
· Take them outside in just their diapers, turn on the sprinkler, and watch them scatter
· Teach them how to write in secret code
· Teach them to throw a frisbee; then bring out one of those amazing Aerobie flying rings
· Bring them home, put them in one big crib, and gaze down at them with their mom and ask, "Well, how did we get here?"
· Watch them scatter their Cheerios all over some restaurant floor
· Empty their pockets while trying not to think about it
· Take them for ice cream, get double scoops, and watch it run down their little fingers
· Leave them with a babysitter and then miss them while we're out shopping for them
· Show them how to make weird sounds by blowing on a blade of grass or between their thumbs
· Go to their first school play and hide my smile when they forget their lines
· Confiscate their hidden issues of Playboy and explain why we don't allow that in our house
· Make sweatshirts with their little handprints for all their aunts and uncles
· Try to answer their questions honestly without sounding like a boring old fart
· Dress them up, comb their hair, and then try to get them to stand still long enough to take a picture for the Christmas card
· Make Mickey Mouse pancakes with chocolate chip smiles
· Teach them to calculate baseball batting averages
· Take them to the beach and lather up their little limbs with SPF 65
· Build cool forts out of cardboard boxes
· Give them their baths, get them squeaky clean, and pop them into their spiderman pj's
· Take them sledding when they're little and skiing when they're older
· Help them with their homework and get excited when they teach me something new
· Show them how to wake up mom with a family hug
· Put band-aids on their skinned knees and apply boo-boo bunnies when they bump their noggins
· Take lots of digital pictures and scan their artwork and send both electronically to their grandparents
· Read to them from "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe"
· Help them find ways to impress little girls without resorting to frogs or scatological references
· When they misbehave and they're really starting to get on my nerves, tell them to go play in the fallout shelter