Problems with Potter

[Warning: contains spoilers for "Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban."]

In fairness, I have to admit that when I finished reading "The Tale of Despereaux" to the boys during two marathon nights of reading, they loved it. Whatever faults I found, detailed elsewhere, bothered them less than I expected. I loved it though, when Justin turned DiCamillo's own language back at her during the final pages, scoffing, "What?? Soup!! That's ridiculous!"

I still stand by my original comments, but it's also true that the boys did enjoy the book. [We're still waiting to hear whether Ashey & Jack did too...and whether their dad ever did take out the garbage.]

My surprise came when all three boys then pleaded their case for me to read Harry Potter next. Hmmm, it seems that their buddy Kevin is having his mom read Book 3, The Prisoner of Azkaban to him so he can see the movie. Okay, okay, so I agreed and that's what we're reading now...unless I start having boys waking up with nightmares.

But I confess, I have a bone or two to pick with J. K. Rowling.

No argument at all from me that the phenomenon of her books are helping to get many kids to read, to read more, and to be read to by their parents which has also been demonstrated to be invaluable.

And no complaints from me about her books being satanic. That's just ridiculous.

But as I contemplate reading the entire Harry Potter series to the boys, I have already concluded, "Sorry. Not gonna happen." I'll read them the first volume, possibly the second. But after that there are just too many other wonderful alternatives out there for me to invest so much time reading them the 700+ pages of Book 4 and nearly 900 pages of Book 5. So many many wonderful classics to choose from ("The Narnia Chronicles," "The Hobbit," "A Wrinkle in Time") and so many modern writers creating brilliant works (Philip Pullman, Cornelia Funke, David Almond, Sharon Creech, Jack Gantos, Louis Sachar, Gail Carson Levine, Polly Horvath, Rodman Philbrick, Andrew Clements, Kevin Henkes): I simply refuse to help them all get lost under the avalanche of words pouring from the excessive contributions of the marginally talented, though imaginative, Ms. Rowling.

(Just figure: the parent lucky enough to manage 20 pages per night, five nights a week, will take half a year just to read the 2689 pages through Book 5, and possibly 39 weeks, an entire school year, reading the projected 7 books. No, thank you. You're good, Ms. Rowling, but you don't get exclusive ownership of my kids' fantasy universe and the time I spend reading to my boys.)

OK, but "marginally talented?" you ask. Unfair I admit, but let's look at a few problems, because I think she gets away with quite a lot.

Take Azkaban: 400 pages to tell a story that she ends by cheating, using one of the most taboo devices of all--Oh, hey, guess what? Hermione can fix it all just by traveling with Harry back in time and changing things. What?? Has she read no science fiction whatsoever? Introduce time travel and you have a sticky conundrum that requires careful plotting and an ability to make some things possible without just providing a "magic wish" that makes everything turn out okay. After all, if Harry Potter can travel in time, why not just do so to solve every problem? Why not undo countless wrongs? Why not bring back his parents even? Does Rowling even address these questions? (I haven't had the heart to plow through Book 4 to learn whether Hermione gets to keep the time machine.) I tell stories to six year old boys every night. They have learned already the meaning of "deus ex machina." There will be no gods suddenly lowered from the ceiling to save the protagonists of our stories.

Narrative arc: maybe by Book 4 she's thrown out the template of making each story begin with Harry's summer and end with the close of the school year, but for me it kills the suspense. Still winter break? OK, I'll go back into hibernation because this whole thing won't be resolved until the end of the term anyway. With a plot that is contained to the action of a month or a week you get some dramatic tension...but insisting upon drawing the threat out for an entire school year diminishes the immediacy just to keep Rowling's tidy little seven volume structure. Ho humm.

Quidditch: okay, this is surely speaking heresy, but am I the only one to feel the rules of the game sound, well, stupid? All kinds of flying and chasing and goal defending and scoring on broomsticks, but everything is erased by one catch of a special ball by one player? It makes for great special effects, and some perilous situations for Harry, but as a sport it sounds exciting to watch, but pointless to cheer about. (On the other hand, I've never watched cricket either, so maybe it's a cultural thing.)

(And don't even get me started on all the random point awarding by the professors. You either have a guideline for awarding and deducting points and you follow it, or you have a rebellion against favoritism by the students, and an outcry of "rabbit out of the hat" endings by readers--at least you should have.)

Slytherin: if they are just a house full of dark wizards and witches why even keep them around?

Ok, ok, the Potter series is fun and I'm all for both adults and kids enjoying them, but let's not lose perspective. And let's keep the kids sampling other, more talented authors.