The First Line

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to this blogger...

You may recall my post about the Bulwer-Lytton contest for the best of the worst opening lines for hypothetical novels and, later, my favorites from this year's winning entries. That inspired me to create several first line quizzes: one for novels, another for children's literature. (And just for good measure, a corresponding last line quiz.)

Those first line threads triggered a series of complementary posts: Longest first lines. Shortest first lines. Other first line quiz and database web sites. The new translation of the first line to The Stranger. Philip Roth's bizarre claim of origin of the opening sentences to his first 19 books. The excellent first line to John Irving's first children's book.

So how much more can one man write about the first lines of novels? I thought you would never ask. I'm afraid this well is not yet dry.

How could I not tell you that today marks the first day of a writing contest at a web site known as, you guessed it: The First Line? The contest is simple: they give you the first sentence and you use it to create a story of 300 to 3,000 words.

Here is the first line for the current contest:

Life would be so much easier if I was a cartoon character.

You have three months; the submission deadline for the next contest is February 1, 2005. Winning entries will be published in their magazine. The prize is $10 (that's right: one Alexander Hamilton) plus a free copy of the magazine in which your story appears.

The first line to the previous contest was, "The inside was dark." I contemplated that sentence for two months, considering a variety of alternatives, none satisfactory until the last day for submissions. Then an idea struck me that was so abhorrent and bone-chilling, yet based upon an actual incident that had horrified me as a parent, that I shuddered to consider it. It's too bad it occurred to me so late, although I'm still not sure whether I would have had the courage to craft it as fiction, except perhaps to exorcise that particular demon.

So we all missed the last contest, but three months is plenty of time to give this next one a try. I'm considering posting my entry here. I have no idea what it's about yet, but I can tell you how it begins:

Life would be so much easier if I was a cartoon character.